the man who lived upstairs told me that he dropped the camera down through the heating vent and snapped a photo. so i used this as leverage to force DEBBIE to admit that she was lying to me about the affair. and when i mentioned this to her she began to curse and swear. that son-ovabitch she said! so off she went with her new found sex partner. and when i went to the apartment there was the marriage certificate which was before in a frame hanging on the wall broken and tore up on the floor. i had never gone anywhere and had always provided for her and generally gave her no real reason to be so nasty to me. all of this hurt me and put me in a rage which i was still in years later. even when i was living in GERMANY 20 years later i was still in a rage. i just never forgave DEBBIE nor could i forgive PATTY who disappeared with out telling me that i had a daughter. of course neither she nor PATTY are the only wrong doers here because of DEBBIE'S infidelity, i began to play the game-"i can do this too"- so i began to fool around on her to get even which was no better and since i already was in a living hell by this time it just added to my anger and misery and i carried this rage until here recently. all of this built up anger left me a person who had absolutely no peace in my heart. but only rage and anger. this is why the practice of BUDDHIST meditation did not work. that sort of meditation needs a person to leave behind all attachment and desires. these things kept me from getting peace ant because of it i wandered the globe, around the planet twice. in 1997 i left for EUROPE and off to the REPUBLIC OF INDONESIA, MALAYSIA, SINGAPORE and beyond. in 1999 i left again to go to the far east and then i lived in EUROPE for years. living on the floor of mosques  and in a camper. things began to get sticky because the US government cancelled my passport and forced me to return to the states which meant homelessness. and i wandered far and wide across this country FROM UTAH TO NEW YORK CITY TO SOUTH CAROLINA TO TENNESSEE TO FLORIDA TO ATLANTA, the FBI was following me and i will tell all soon.............