i can imagine what some of the readers are thinking, "how much can a kid take before his spirit is broken and he suffers permanent psychological damage?" well there were at least 3 that i can remember who spoke up to my parents. this was the ultimate conundrum as if they said anything to my parents especially my mother she would get mad and become more intense and more harsh than before. the three i have mentioned are my grandmother (dad's mother), my aunt who was both the daughter of the pastor and married to the brother of my father. then there was the pastor's wife. who offered to me her guitar to learn on. but mom took it out in me and i did not ask for it. it was given voluntarily. then my aunt had a birthday party for me but mom refused to take me there. they took me instead to PARKMAN where MAMAW lived MAMAW was what we called dad's mom. when always went there on SATURDAYS to take her grocery shopping because they were very poor and could not afford a car. when we got there MAMAW was mad at mom and told my father, "you turn right around and take him back to DEXTER to that birthday party!" (i am sitting here crying tears as i am writing this because the hurt of it still is there) here i am going on 53 years of age in MAY and i have never gotten over the hurt and pain of it in my heart. (i remember the day i was born the trouble my father's boss put him through and after all of these years i have blamed myself for even being born at all.) i am not only weeping because of the pain within myself, but i also weep for my poor mother who was so hurt  in her childhood that she would turn out to be this way. and i weep for all of the innocent children out there in this world who are suffer hurt, homelessness, hunger, and abuse even killed like those children in PALESTINE who are living day and day in such dire circumstances. they live on the dumps and in abandoned houses and buildings. being taken and having forced prostitution  put on them and other abuses every day and i sit here completely powerless to help. i feel for their pain. in 1999 i was living in the REPUBLIC OF INDONESIA. and i witnessed a sight in which i will never get out of my mind. i was in this restaurant eating after crossing the STRAITS OF MALAKA by speed boat. i remember that we did not have any AMERICAN money only GERMAN MARKS and we could not get any body there in DUMAI to cash the MARKS for rupiah which is INDONESIAN currency. so we had very little cash to eat on. i was sitting there in the restaurant  complaining because i could only afford soup. all of a sudden these kids about 4 or 5 of them who's ages i guessed ranged between 3 to 5 years of age. they approached my table and the restaurant owner began to drive them out. he was very harsh. i spoke up for him to stop ans asked those there what the kids wanted. they want to wash your sandals was the answer. why i inquired and the answer was these kids are orphans and have nothing to eat and often polish shoes and such to get some money to buy a little rice to eat. i got up from the table and went outside with them. there i could see the hardship of their lives in their faces. there was not joy and innocence normal kids had but the look of people who had to bear the hard labor as if in a field. they had eyes which were tired. and when the restaurant owner began to be harsh with them one of them, a little boy who i guess couldn't have been no older then 3 or 4 just hung his head. this got to me and i began to weep right there in front of all. i paid these kids for washing my sandals and also bought a large bunch of bananas for them. and recieved my calling from GOD there and then. GOD said through the mouth of the messiah JESUS, "i was hungry and you did not feed me, sick and you did not attend my need, naked and you did not clothe me." i did want to feed them and clothe them and shelter them. THIS IS WHY I AM ON THIS MISSION! HERE IN KINGSVILLE TEXAS at the ISRAEL OF GOD INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PRAYER. THIS IS WHY I AM A SIKH SOLDIER-SAINT OF THE LORD. you see i know all of that hurt and i know how it feels to have someone treat me harshly in spite of the situation not being my fault.